Day 23

After two weeks of endless needles, blood tests, scans and echocardiograms the doctors still don't have an answer.

Just the urine test to come back, then it's off to the endocrinologist. Nobody knows why my weight went from 61 to 78 kilo's in five days!! I still think it's hormonal...

Good news on two fronts: diet and exercise. First, diet. Previously whenever I tried to eat 'normally' and weight crept on, I would totally panic and swallow up to 60 laxatives. But now I am retraining myself. I am starting with proteins, then slowly introducing greens and wholgrain breads and some fruit. I am LOVING it, and so happy to have a solution to my problem. Pity the 'experts' at the hospital at the eating disorders clinic didn't try to be more proactive in this area...

Secondly the exercise. I am still walking/jogging for an hour EVERY day. Only missed three days when my feet were too sore to stand on, let alone walk. I had to force myself outside on my sore legs, but I figured I never took my cancer lying down, so I wan't going to take this lying down either.

Onwards and upwards!

Day 15 - hangin' in there

Oookay, so I went for another walk today. Still hurts. My feet are so swollen I could barely get my running shoes on and the pressure on the instep is painful. Even tried running. That felt weird. I could feel all of the excess fluid flopping around, and my legs felt heavy. At one point I could see rain clouds hovering nearby. That's all I needed; more water! But I was feeling good about things; that is until I walked into the newsagents. He looked up and shouted, "OH MY GOD, WHAT'S HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE!" Must say, that was not a highlight. After looking at the results of my brain scan, the doctor declared that yes, I do have a brain. He chortled as though he had just created a new, brilliant joke. Still puzzled about why I am nearly double my own body weight, so two more tests this week. I will continue to eat healthfully and exercise every day. I am determined to carry on with my original programme and change my habits. Good news; for the first time in thirty years I have not had any laxatives for 15 days! Whee! Go me! Liver and kidney failure was NOT brought up in discussion in the ballet school. Who knew! If only bulimics knew the end effect, I'm sure they would change their mind quick smart... Jude x

And the tests keep 'acomin'

Sat around today looking at my sore, swollen legs, then thought, "Damn it I'm not going down without a fight," so I pulled on pair of tracky-daks and a LARGE T-shirt and went for an hour's walk. Bloody hurt too, but I did it.

Got a brain scan tomorrow, 'cos they can't explain the headaches, nor the numbness on the left side of my face.

I'm gonna release a new Barbie doll. A doll for the over 50's. I will call her "Bloated Barbie."

Jude x

Some good news; no sign in my abdomen or chest area of any spread of cancer, so that is one thing less to worry about. I have been booked for an echocardiogram next Thursday. I'm still convinced I had a stroke last year in NZ, so this will answer a lot of questions - for me anyway.

More blood tests next week (when my arms have recovered from the last lot)to double- check the liver and kidney results...

Methinks it could be the shock of coming off the laxatives, so we'll see, huh?

But I am determined to live the right way from now on; like my friend said while we were out walking last week, "Well, Judes you've tried everything except diet and exercise to keep the weight off..."

It's been so long since I lived a 'normal life', that I hardly know what it feels like now.

Funny how anorexics and bulimics can give the impression of normality - to everyone but themselves....

Jude x

More tests...

Yesterday I shook and trembled (okay, I might have shed a tear or two) as I was jabbed repeatedly with needles for my CT scan. Now I so swollen (from 60 to 74 kilo's in five days) that my veins have shrunk. I do not recognize my own face!

Back to the doc's for results this afternoon...

One good upshot of this; it sure-as-shit has scared me off the laxatives!!

Jude x

The Plot (and my ankles!) thickens

To misquote Alice,"Worser and worser..."

Some girls have all the (bad) luck. I get cancer. I conquer cancer. I have a thirty year self-esteem issue. I get over it. And just when things are looking better and I'm getting into the groove of defeating my final gremlin, my liver decides its had enough! Yup, that is why I have gained 7 kilo's in two days - my liver is not producing protein. Goody, something else to worry about.

Back for chest x-rays and a CT scan of my abdomen tomorrow (to ensure the cancer hasn't spread) and to find out just what the hell my liver thinks it's doing!

Gotta tell ya', thirty years of laxative abuse is a reeeaaally bad idea...

Guzzling tea tonight bacause tomorrow is fasting before the x-ray - good for the diet; not good for my temperament first thing in the morning. Heaven help the poor doctor who has to face me in the morning; it won't be pretty.

Felt (and looked) like the Good Year Blimp today, so no exercise. Contemplated it, but when I held up my leggings, I knew I couldn't fit into them; one leg would have used up both sides.

Fingers crossed for the tests tomorrow...

Judi x

Rough day

Today is day 8 - the first day of a new week. I was so excited; going training with Daniel - yeah, sorry Daniel, don't know why I was calling you David - but things didn't quite work out.

Started yesterday when I was out walking. Not one but BOTH my arms went completely numb! Bloody terrifying, I can tell you. Then when I got home and looked down at my legs, I could virtully see them swell right in front of my eyes. My stomach got got larger, and my ankles disappeared. Woke up 6, six, VI kilo's heavier! Arms still numb, so I panicked and went straight to the doctor. He gave me an ECG straight away and said it wasn't my heart. What he is thinking is, thanks to half my innards being removed two years ago and my age, (sob, sob) the problem is hormonal. Thank God I have an excuse for my mood swings!! Waiting for more tests to come back, but as I type this my left hand is almost completely numb; really weird...

Then the damn nurse couldn't get any blood and she kept stabbing away for 10 minutes, while I sat crying like a frightened two year-old. Yeah, like I said, bad day.

No exercise today, was feeling sorry for myself, so came home and had a nice hot bath.

Backinto it tomorrow...

Jude xx